It's not all about me?

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One of my twitter followers this week observed something that stopped me in my tracks -

“you are learning the inevitable truth about weddings - they aren't about you :)” - @seandoyle

This was after I had tweeted asking for an opinion about recent demands from a cousin for a wedding date. Shockingly, up to this point I had been under the delusion that my (OUR) wedding was about me (US).

My abrupt coming-back-to-reality moment came when a relative texted me to find out if we had a wedding date yet. At this point, we have been engaged a little over 2 months. I’m a fairly casual person – I see no rush in setting a date just yet. I haven’t booked a single thing, in fact. Clearly this is not good enough for some people – if I had a penny for every person who has asked me so far if we have a date, I’d be approximately $25-30 richer.

Relative in question said she was "making plans” for her family for the next 12 months and wanted to make sure that they were able to attend our wedding. My initial impression about the pushiness of the question then melted into understanding – aww, how sweet. Conclusion: for some, it is quite reasonable to have these things sorted out months in advance. My lesson: not everyone is as relaxed as me about plans. My boss remarked a few days ago that I am the most laid-back bride she’s seen in her life, and she’s been a people manager for 20-odd years.

To demonstrate the difference between me and an actual organised person, I tell the following tale. Another member of my team at work got engaged not long after me. Yesterday she told me that she has already booked her reception venue. It’s $110 a head (feel free to faint now, I nearly did) but her excuse was “it has heaps of room so the kids can run around”). She and her partner have a young boy and many of her friends have small children. So her reception choice was not about her or her husband-to-be at all – she felt such obligation to have space for the children, she used this as her primary criteria. That really makes me sad, but if it works for them, good luck to the whole affair!

I am happy to observe that there is a wonderful trend of personalisation and quirkiness growing in the wedding industry – even I can see it, novice though I am. Brides and grooms are metaphorically Taking Back the Night. Wedding blogs are full of “intimate” and “unique” ideas, or photo shoots inspired by party planning and interior decorators. White weddings are decidedly out of vogue. If you can discern the Real Weddings from the Styled Photo Shoot (something I am still learning), I believe that more and more couples are using their wedding to express their own ideas about celebrating the moment and making sure it’s what they want.

*Don’t want to be a meringue in white? That’s just dandy – choose a vintage ivory dress or a twinset in bright vermillion.

*Hate the polished look of florist flower arrangements? Do it yourself and chuck wildflowers in glass bottles that look just as pretty.

*Don’t want the drama of choosing bridesmaids? Fine – don’t have a bridal party at all (gotta say, I’m loving this idea right now).

But the more I think about it, the more I realise the ceremony and reception is for all of us – my partner and I, and those guests we choose to share it with. Finding a balance is going to be challenging, but hopefully mashing up what we want with the expectations of others (mainly, the ones who are paying for it) is achievable.

With this in mind, I need to keep my new mantra at the forefront of my planning – just because it’s always been done that way, doesn’t mean it should be.

I may still wear white – but that’ll be my choice, not because it’s traditional.